I’m not in love with you Because love implies the feeling’s mutual Spin the revolver to decide our fates If I’m alienated, stranded from the grain and granite Then you make the planet’s fate look immaterial And I know just what you’re thinking That I built you like the Sistine and I'll burn you down like Alexandria I’m a paragon of alexithymia And I’ve given up on the idea of loving But not of liking you I’m not in love with you I just see your eyes in every tree chopped down across the street I paced around my house On your birthday The evening was warm if a little lonely I waited all night just to receive your letter It came two hours late You sent it from your mother’s house in Norman And frankly, you could’ve at least given me a warning It was the only time I’ve both laughed and cried Well, I won’t say anything about it again I get the feeling that my lingering leaves the hairs on your neck flat and quivering Why would you disdain a case where both of us are winning You like the attention, I don’t even need to mention Could we be everything we want that will destroy us? I keep having evergreen dreams Of meeting you on Christmas Eve I wear your sweater and you wear mine Former ghosts are there for decoration And your words are sour, but you say I’m the killer So what does it matter if you don’t feel the same way You may have lived longer, but I have acquired more days And we live in the same society We’re getting ripped off and we’re scant on money Who’s to arrange the order of courtship I knew you were beautiful because those that are blessed always yearn not to be The most pristine idealization I’ve ever created And I’m almost always wrong So I think you may be right this time You drew a thin line in the sand, what else was I supposed to do

I may have wanted to be yours before But a mere crush seemed overdone So when possible, sabotage crept right in The rows of recalcitrant wannabe lovers who stabbed you in the heart Makes you wary of a stranger with ambiguous intent And I’m resigned Only in darkness did I see the light And I’m resigned Only in darkness did I see the light When my winter obituary came, you were charmed By the lack of self-consciousness And I held you in the highest regards For balancing passion with restraint You were accommodating of my overeagerness to analyze your every word But when I catered to your every whim, you finally saw your mistake While I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner Considering how it was framed I came off as a pity-monger You mistook arrogance and shame But can you blame me for sharing too much Maybe I’m still mistaking comfort for love When every fleeting moment of kindness seems divine What aim Can be achieved from wry detachment from all that emotionally pertains The song remains the same And you criticized me for being too ambitious At least I cop to that But you strived for a sense of normalcy That didn’t go so well And if one tragedy renewed your faith Two didn’t do the same It’s not your fault that you’re unlucky So perhaps only I’m to blame You tried to let me down easy, but I fell hard as I always do You can’t just assume everyone intends to pull the life out of you And it was startling for me to realize Something that meant everything in my eyes Was an inconsequential correspondence for you pass the time And I’m resigned Only in darkness did I see the light And I’m resigned Only in darkness did I see the light And I’m resigned Only in darkness did I see the light And I’m resigned Only in darkness did I see the light

You were listening to the hale Reassuring yourself that you were good at being a liar There was music blasting through the termite empire You hated how much the singer sounded just like you And you were waiting for a reply Though you prefaced your letter like you didn’t mind In the heat of July Nobody ever gets out alive And the seasons don’t seem to change They just seem to spice up the monotony The constellations have started to fade They’re tearing down the forest across your street So raise the bar to your pretensions And lower the expectations The idea that the world is no longer yours Does it even need to be stated And what are you to make Of your childhood rising up like the rain Doomed to either be forgotten Or comically romanticized You mentioned this once You weren’t trying to be eccentric Got no response You figured “What’s the point” Begging for attention upon your wounded knees Chasing empathy around the trees At least you don’t live in the suburbs Count yourself lucky that you were never destined for analysis or glory Whether you’re wrong or whether you’re right All is fine in the face of the blue light Where your eyes are mesmerized by the shoeshine Of shadows created by self appointed gods And if your faith in humanity is slipping And there’s not much left for your heart to do Then continue grieving Then you may be surprised That you forgot how to cry Over the heat of July